Advice from the Peanut Gallery
by song six
Summary: Tim used to wish he'd get a little more attention...up until both Batmans, Red Hood, Batgirl, Oracle, and even /Robin/ decided to get involved with his sex life. Tim/Zatara. Slight Crack


**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything.

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'Advice from the Peanut Gallery'

by Songsix

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Tim used to wish people would pay more attention to him.

When Tim first joined Batman, Nightwing, and Batgirl in the world of crime-fighting, he would have given anything for them to treat him the same way they treated…well…_Dick_. Honestly, Tim has never been one for being an attention whore. He was always content with keeping to himself, but he did have to wonder what it would feel like to have _the_ Batman fuss over him the same way he did Dick. He was always eager to prove himself as Robin. Of course, Bruce did care about Tim; he made that clear when he never stopped trying to convince Tim to become an official Wayne. But Alfred once told him Bruce pretty much cried and begged Dick not to go to college...as hard as that was to picture. However, in the end, he always knew the 'first born' would always be the most treasured like all families. Bruce would go to the ends of the Earth for Dick, literally. Oracle would always check in on Dick more often than anyone else – although, that was really for more awkward and taboo reasons between them. Stephanie got along better with Dick seeing they were both so outgoing – plus, there were also even more awkward and taboo reasons for _that_ involving himself. Damian…was a snot nosed demon child. He and Jason got along fine, but had some obsession going on with Dick – half the time he was cursing him, the other half he was oogling after his ass...why is he the only one who's noticed this? He did have Cass to relate with, but she wasn't so concerned about all this 'favorite child' business.

Tim wasn't much of a whiner, he was more of a 'let it fester on the inside and brood all the time' sort of guy. But sometimes, it was tiring to feel like he was in Dick's shadow. He wasn't going to plot his revenge or throw daggers at his face, Jason, but he didn't like how back in the Teen Titans when people meeting _Robin_ for the first time would be expecting the other guy. People should understand that eventually the original Robin was going to get older, so _of course_ there's going to be a new guy wearing the suit. Now, as Red Robin, that doesn't happen. However, all he's ever used to hearing about is Dick. Which isn't all terrible, since even he had a bit of obsession over the man himself. Heck, he stalked Dick all the way until he was _Nightwing_ since he was simply a _Flying Grayson_. But despite the fact he wasn't even a Titan anymore, he was still hearing constant gossip from his fellow vigilantes about the man. He wasn't asking for much, but maybe just a bit of more recognition for who he was as a person: Tim Drake, Red Robin, former Boy Wonder and leader of Young Justice/Teen Titans. However…

"Tim! Hi buddy! Whatcha doin'?"

…this was completely ludicrous.

"Eating cereal."

"Wow! That's greeeeat! What kind of cereal?"

And _this_ is why he _used to_ wish for more attention.

"Whole grain."

"Wonderful, simply _wonderful_. That's greeeat you're being so healthy! A growing boy needs his gluten!"

"Grains." Tim corrected, before stuffing another spoonful of wheaties into his mouth crunching ferociously. This…_smothering_ from everyone, and he meant _everyone_, had been going on for awhile. This was exactly why he couldn't tell anyone _anything _anymore. One minute he was just chatting with Kid Flash, the next, Dick and Jason insist on picking him up in the Batwing in the middle of broad daylight in New York. Should have known Bart couldn't keep his mouth shut. Even Damian was in on it, as much as he didn't want to admit it, but the kid was probably just curious.

"So, speaking of growing boys, how's your love life been?" Dick asked, leaning his chin on his elbows wearing a nervous smile. Tim had to resist the urge to roll his eyes.

"Dick, seriously? Are you _seriously_ going to try to give me 'the talk'?"

"Whoa. Tim. Let's not be so hasty."

"I'm not having sex with Zat if that's what you think."

Dick gasped, grabbing his chest in dramatic effect, "What? Who said anything about love-making?"

"No one, I said _sex_."

"Forget it Dick, Tim's a virgin and plans on staying one til death…well, until death, rebirth, and death again." Chimed a familiar voice, adding on to the growing vein on Tim's forehead. She came in through the window still in her Batgirl uniform. She probably just got in after patrol.

"Morning, Steph." He greeted, but just as he was about to take another spoonful, the girl snatched the bowl from him.

"Ooh, wheaties!"

"I wasn't finished with that." He muttered darkly, but all she did was shrug her shoulders munching with her mouth open. He knew she remembered how much he hated that.

"How did you know he was a virgin?" Dick wondered, wearing a frightened expression.

"What do you think?" Stephanie challenged, bits of wheaties flying from her mouth and onto Tim's face. He did his best not to immediately scrunch away, just to prove a point to her about not being a total germaphobe freak. "Don't give me that look _kettle_."

"Touché, pot." Dick agreed sheepishly, before bringing the spotlight back to Tim, much to his dismay, "But do as I say Tim, not what I do."

"You mean _who_, right?" Stephanie smirked.

"Alright, we get it. I'm the only 'pure' one at this table, and you guys like it that way." Tim groaned, looking on sadly at the emptied cereal bowl. There was none left in the cupboards.

"I don't know, I find it annoying."

"Stephanie! Don't give him ideas."

"Tch, you don't have to worry about _me_ giving Tim ideas. Been there, haven't done _that_."

"I'm sorry, but I thought you were over me." Tim interrupted, not making any effort to hide his irritation.

"I am. Pardon me for being a hot, blonde chick who's bitter, because her ungrateful nerdy ex-boyfriend was too much of a prude to do anything." Nerdy?

"Don't know why you act so disappointed, doubt lil' Timmy here would even know what to do with you." Just when it couldn't get any worse. Tim buried his face in his arms on the table, before he realized what Jason had meant.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Jason sat down next to him, lifting his legs and slamming his muddy boots onto the kitchen table picking at his teeth, "exactly how it sounds. I'm sayin' you wouldn't know what to do with a pussy if someone waved one in your face."

"You're right, he didn't."

"Stephanie!"

"I'm just speaking the truth."

"Yes, but you could turn off your communicator before I heard anything like _that_." Complained Oracle, as she rolled in with a less than amused look on her face. But hey, maybe she was here to save the day.

Dick proceeded to freak out, and didn't really know what to do with his hands. So he settled on burying them into Tim's hair and pulling at his head nervously. Tim considered shaving his head like Kon. "Babs! I–I…hey…it's been awhile since we–"

"Save it Short Pants, I just heard you guys torturing Tim here…" Barbara cut him short, smiling at Tim.

"And you came to save me?" He asked with hope.

"No, I came to watch."

"Thanks."

"Have you all finally come to your senses and finally agreed that Drake must be tortured and interrogated?" Just when he thought the worst had already come. Damian looked like he had already been up for awhile just sparring. Probably trying to get all that murderous energy out, the little sociopath…

"Interrogated for _what_?" Tim asked, glaring down at the young boy.

"The theft of Pieter Cross's identity."

"And for crimes against Stacey London and Cliton Kelly." Added Dick, fist pounding Damian afterwards. Tim's left eye twitched violently. Jason and Stephanie did a crappy job of concealing their giggles.

"Really Dick? You want to talk about horrible costume choices?" Tim challenged, without a care, sending the rest of the others into a silent scare.

"What do you mean?"

"Uh-UH Tim! Have you and Zat made it to third base yet?" Barbara was quick to ask, turning it back onto him. Well played Oracle.

"What?"

"Better question, does _Bruce_ even know yet?" Jason snickered, totally just eating it up.

"He should, he's close with Zatanna right?" Barbara suggested.

"Yeah, but no one would want to tell Bruce about anything related to that spoiled brat." Dick muttered, crossing his arms and releasing Tim's head. He didn't seem to have such a good relationship with Zatara. Then again, none of the Titans save for Kid Devil had a good impression of him.

"Bet he'd prefer the clone over the little ass." Jason threw out, leaning back in his chair. Tim contemplated how well it would go if he just tipped his chair just a little more.

"Clone?...You mean Conner?" Tim asked, cocking his head in confusion.

"Yeah, who else?"

"What's he got to do with this?" Suddenly, everyone **but** Tim was cracking up like a bunch of hyenas. He wondered momentarily if Ra Al Ghul still had a seat open next to him…

"Oh Tim, you poor, little, nerdy, pale, geeky, sad, pathetic, naïve, ignorant–"

"Wow Todd, I didn't realize you've extended your vocabulary. Have you been reading the dictionary again?" Damian interrupted. Tim _almost _wanted to believe the boy was cutting him some slack, but then again he enjoyed making Jason miserable too.

"Hilarious." Tim commented sincerely, smiling before he took a satisfying sip of his orange juice.

"Yeah it's funny, huh? Screw you!"

"He wouldn't no matter how many times he's been asked."

"Which is **not** a bad thing Tim, or anything to be ashamed of."

"Dick, for the last time, Zat and I are not having sex."

"_Making love._"

"For the love of God, Richard!" Damian yelled out, rubbing his temples.

"I wouldn't say _you_ have the right to always call it that, Dick." Barbara mentioned bitterly.

"Uh…"

"Hey, I know I give you a lot of crap. But seriously, make sure you use a condom. Don't need to add HIV to the long list of things seriously fucked up with you." Jason suggested, eyes closed as he nodded his head.

"What's that supposed to mean…and we are not having any sex!"

"Making looooove."

"Don't take it personally. All of us here are fucked up. You're just freakier, that's all." The worst part, he wasn't even joking.

"And unwanted."

"Damian." Dick scolded, but they all froze when they realized the presence of authority appeared at the kitchen door.

"Ah, I see all of you are up bright and early."

"Morning Alfred!" Stephanie and Dick chorused cheerfully.

"Long time, no see Alfred!" Barabara greeted.

"'Sup Alf."

"Pennysworth."

"Hey Alfred, can you make some waffles and scare these guys off for me?" Tim requested, sending the others into that silent scare once again.

"Waffles?" Alfred started, but Dick was quick to cover Tim's mouth and sling an arm around the butler's shoulder.

"Ssssh, Tim. They're fantastic! I would love some! Right everyone?" Dick exclaimed, wearing a shit eating grin as his eyes darted around pleadingly.

"Uh…not hungry, sorry. New diet."

"I had a protein bar before training a few hours ago."

"I ate before I came."

"Just got in after seeing some thug's breakfast."

"So?" Dick challenged.

"Knife went the wrong way; he was oozing with blood, mucus, acid, and other weird juices…"

"…"

"Heard worse."

"Oh my…"

"Jesus Jason."

"He lived! God, not like I killed anyone…" Jason whined, slamming a fist onto the table,"…_today_. Can't come around here without gettin' third degree."

"Wonder why, Todd."

"I take it just Master Dick than? By the way Master Timothy, when did you expect company?" Alfred questioned, almost making Tim choke on his juice.

"Alfred, not in front of these guys…"

"What? You're letting _it_ into the house?"

"Oh god, we're going to have to deal with that brat?"

"Should we set some traps?"

"I think if we bring up the security walls around here we can keep it out."

"Let's call the clone, I'm sure he'd love to heat vision it's ass out of here."

"Does my make-up look O.K?"

"Hurry with those waffles Pennysworth!"

"Where are all the Trojans? Damian, go get a banana and give it to Tim. If we show him quickly maybe it'll all be alright!"

"My apologies, Master Timothy." Alfred apologized, patting his back. Tim only slumped in his seat and groaned up at him.

"No worries, not your fault they're _insane_."

"I shall go wake Master Bruce."

"Wait! Don't–what the hell?" Tim glared daggers into the banana that Damian chucked into the side of his head.

"Richard said to give you this."

"Alright Tim, there's just something I wanted to–Dammit Jason, where are the Trojans? Hurry!"

"I'm looking, god! Quit telling me what to do."

"I'm going to go before he gets here."

"Wait up! I've been having issues with the batgirl uniform lately, and there's not enough baby powder in the world to fix them."

"Later, Fatgirl."

Just when Tim thought his headache couldn't get any worse, a pair of gentle hands pulled him out of his seat and yanked his body out of the kitchen. "Cass, thank god I–"

"Don't speak. Follow me."

Tim simply nodded his head and followed her through a series of air chutes that was distributed throughout the manor. Slowly, Dick, Jason, and Damian's voices disappeared in the distance. Eventually, they came to a lit vent, and Cass knock it opened and slipped through. Tim followed after and found himself in the front living quarters of the house. He wiped his forehead in relief sighing contently, "thanks, back there." Cass simply nodded at him before heading off. Before he could ask where she was going, a warm affectionate hand landed on the small of his back.

"Whoa Tim, you look…really pissed? Someone didn't get a chance to log on to his Reddit this morning?" Came a flirtatious voice. Tim couldn't stop himself from smiling.

"Just shut up."

Before Zat could say anything more, Tim captured him into a kiss, pressing his lips against his. Zat eagerly complied, wrapping his arms around the other boy kissing back. All the stress Tim had been feeling that morning disappeared in an instant. This was exactly the remedy he needed for his…family problems. When they pulled away, Zat held a goofy smile that made Tim want to smirk. It was nice knowing he could make _the_ Zachary Zatara look that way. However, just when everything seemed peaceful…

"Tim? Dick informed me you've been seeing the–what's he doing here?"

"Bruce, Zachary. Zachary, Bruce."

"There you are Tim!"

"Dick, did you…_talk_ to Tim yet?"

"You asked him to?"

"Is there a problem with that?"

"Sorry Bruce, Jason and I had trouble finding the Trojans."

"How is he going to learn?"

"Well, we found some flavored ones from the Planned Parent…hood."

"What were you doing _there_?"

"Uh…uh…Jason!"

"You're on your own Dickie!"

Suddenly, Tim was _glad_ Dick was the focus of attention again.


End file.
